Individual Relationship Counselling

"Hell is other people".

Sartre.

Suffering with Relationship Difficulties?

Cristalle recognises that when we struggle with our personal relationships we may not feel comfortable with the idea of engaging with couples counselling. Individual relationship counselling gives you the space to explore your relationship and work through any issues which you may be grappling with. Cristalle works with individuals who are struggling with their romantic, professional, or family relationships or friendships. 

Psychotherapy with Cristalle Hayes can help you to: 

  • Deal with relationship difficulties in a more constructive way.
  • Understand your pattern of relating. These patterns often come from our childhood experiences of relationships.
  • Create stronger boundaries.
  • Strengthen your inner voice.
  • Navigate difficult and strong emotions, such as loneliness, aloneness and anger.
  • Deal with conflict.
  • Heal from the pain of a relationship ending.
  • Gain clarity to recognise toxic or abusive behaviour and to discern more loving behaviour.
  • Help you work towards having emotional safety within your relationships and interactions.
  • Help you to be more authentic in relationships.

Here are some quick tips you can try to start working through your relationship problems:

1. Feel your feelings. 

Often the experience of being in a relationship is so overwhelming and confusing that you can start to doubt your self and feel very unclear about what is going on. When the situation becomes too overwhelming, you can start to feel numb, almost paralysed, from your emotions. This is entirely normal and is your brains attempt at protecting you from pain. However, when you feel ready, the best way to gain clarity is to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Allowing yourself to cry, and understand those feelings helps you to work through them. 

2. Gain perspective on your relationship 

Whether it’s speaking to someone you trust, a safe friend or a therapist, talking your situation through with someone outside of your relationship can help you to gain perspective.  You can also try putting your emotions and thoughts into something creative like drawing or painting, This may help you gain clarity over a difficult and confusing situation. 

3. Focus on your boundaries

We can become easily overwhelmed with the demands of relationships, whether it be at work or romantic or family relationships. Sometimes we may feel we have lost our identity or sense of self and struggle to regain who we are outside of the relationship. When this is happening it may be because we are not setting firm boundaries or expressing our needs. Learning what you need and how to say ‘no’ can really help. 

4. Take care of yourself like you would your own child

It’s easy to put self care at the bottom of the list of priorities when you are overwhelmed by your relationships – but looking after yourself physically and mentally is vital for you to recover and reassess who you are outside of your relationships. Even if it’s just making sure you wash every day, make yourself a healthy meal – remember you still need taken care of and allow yourself the time to do that. 

Do I need counselling?

Cristalle can help you navigate the many pitfalls and issues which a relationship can bring. 

Common issues include:

  • Codependency.
  • Struggling with being single.
  • Commitment issues.
  • Making healthy choices in your relationships and repeating negative patterns.
  • Struggling to find your voice and boundaries in relationships.
  • Ambivalence over your partner.
  • Grieving over not having a family.
  • Ambivalence over having children.
  • Struggles with extended family, friends and or co-workers.
  • Jealousy and trust issues.
  • Divorce.
    Struggles to let go of a relationship.
  • Infidelity.

 What to do if you are struggling with your relationships

  •  Attending the 12 Step Group CODA or reading literature around codependency can give you tools to relate in a more healthy way. http://coda.org/
  • Give yourself time to heal from any toxicity or abuse from a relationship. Accept and greet your experience with compassion and learn to spend time alone. Yoga and meditation is fantastic for this
  • Explore with a therapist your triggers and difficulties around relationships. What are your blind spots? How do you feel about conflict
  • Explore with a therapist your pattern of relationships including your early relationships in childhood. This can give you more insight into your situation. Journalling is another powerful tool in gaining clarity.